Example letters to children in foster care, by age

The letter you write to a baby is very different from the one you write to a fifteen-year-old. Here are four short examples, one for each age, with notes on why they work. The children and places are made up.

Every letter is written to be read later, maybe at sixteen, maybe at thirty. Write for that person as well as the child in front of you.

A baby (under 2)

Hello Ava,

This week you discovered your feet. On Tuesday morning you lay on the changing mat holding both of them and laughing, and you did it again every nappy change for the rest of the week.

You're now having three bottles a day and your first spoonfuls of mashed banana, which you love, and carrot, which you don't. You pulled a face so big that Tom had to leave the room to stop laughing.

On Thursday we walked to the duck pond in Victoria Park. You watched the ducks very seriously and kicked your legs whenever one came close.

You're sleeping from seven until about five now, and you like your white noise and the giraffe blanket.

Why it works: babies won't remember any of this, so the small routines (feeds, sleep, the blanket) are exactly what they'll want later. It names the park and the people, and records firsts as they happen.

A toddler (2 to 4)

Hello Leo,

You've learned to say "digger", and you say it every time we pass the building site on Mill Lane. On Saturday a man in a yellow hat waved at you from the cab, and you talked about it all the way home.

At nursery, Priya, your key worker, told us you helped tidy the bricks without being asked. We were very proud of you.

Your favourite book this month is The Gruffalo. You know the mouse's lines by heart and shout them before I can read them.

Next week your nursery is going to the farm, and you've asked if there will be a tractor.

Why it works: it captures words, favourite things and the people in the child's day, with full names and roles. "Priya told us" shows how the carer knows something they didn't see.

A primary school child (5 to 10)

Hello Mia,

On Saturday morning we went down to the harbour. You counted eleven boats, and you chose a red one with a striped sail as your favourite.

At your swimming lesson that afternoon, you swam a whole width of the pool without armbands for the first time. Dan, your swimming teacher, said you kept kicking even when you were tired. We cheered so loudly that you heard us under the water.

At school you've started learning your six times table. You asked to practise in the car, and you got all the way to 6 × 7 before you got stuck.

On Wednesday, Jean is coming for tea, and you've asked for spaghetti.

Why it works: each paragraph is one moment, told like a short story. It says what she did and how she felt, not just where she went, and it ends with something to look forward to that's actually planned.

A teenager (11 and up)

Hi Callum,

Big week. You got your first Saturday shifts at the café on the high street, and Sam, the manager, told me you were "a natural with the coffee machine". You came home smelling of coffee and with £24 of tips, which you're saving towards new boots.

You also cooked tea on Thursday: your chilli, which was properly hot. Rosie asked for seconds and then drank three glasses of water.

We know Tuesday was hard after your phone call. You went for a long walk afterwards and came back calmer, and we watched the football together. You don't have to talk about it, but we're here if you want to.

The match is on Saturday at 3. Mr Ahmed says you're starting.

Why it works: it's written the way you'd actually talk to them, with nothing they'd cringe at if a friend saw it. It mentions a hard moment honestly and without blame, and it shows them they were noticed and supported.

What all four have in common

• One moment at a time, with real detail: what was said, what was seen.
• Names and roles for the people in the child's life.
• Nothing promised that might not happen.
• Warmth without gushing. They show the child was known, not just looked after.

If you'd like a structure to fill in, there's a simple letter template. And My Chapters: Letters suggests ideas like these for the child's age right beside the page, then designs the finished letter for you. The first month is free.