How to write a weekly letter to a child in foster care

One day the child you're writing to will be grown up. They may want to know what they were like at six: who made them laugh, what they had for breakfast, whether anyone noticed the day they learned to ride a bike. For many people who grew up in care, those everyday memories are the hardest thing to find later.

That's what the weekly or monthly letter is for. Many fostering services ask carers to write one, and it's worth doing well.

Why the letters matter

Life story work helps children in care understand their own history: where they come from, who looked after them, and why things happened the way they did. Social workers often put together a life story book with the child, and foster carers are asked to keep memories along the way.

Your letters help because:

• They're in your words, written at the time. Nobody pieces them together years later from official records.
• They show the child they were known and cared about: the funny things, the brave things, the small kindnesses.
• They keep the ordinary details that families usually remember for each other: favourite foods, bedtime routines, first words, best friends.
• They travel with the child. If the child moves on, their letters can go too, or into their life story book.

What to write about

You don't need a big event. A normal Tuesday is part of their story too. Good things to include:

• something funny that happened
• a place you went, even if it was just the park
• something new they tried or learned
• what they ate, played, watched or sang
• the people they spent time with
• something you were proud of
• what's coming up next week

For a baby, write about smiles, sleep, feeds, bath time and the sounds they make. For a teenager, write the way you'd talk to them, and leave out anything they'd cringe at.

How to write it

• Write to them, as if they're reading it at sixteen, or twenty-five.
• Name people and places. "Mrs Hughes, your class teacher", not just "your teacher". Caption photos so they'll know who and where.
• Say how you know something: "We watched you…" or "Mrs Hughes told us…".
• Keep sentences short and words familiar, with one paragraph for each thing that happened.
• Mention the time of day when it helps them picture it: Saturday morning, after tea, at bedtime.
• Be honest and kind. If a week was hard, describe what happened rather than using labels like "naughty" or "kicked off", and say how you looked after them.
• Speak about their family neutrally and respectfully. They're part of the child's story too.
• Don't make promises about the future that might not be kept.

A short example

Hello Mia,

On Saturday morning we went down to the harbour. You counted eleven boats, and you chose a red one with a striped sail as your favourite.

At your swimming lesson that afternoon, you swam a whole width of the pool without armbands for the first time. Dan, your swimming teacher, told us you kept kicking even when you were tired. We cheered so loudly that you heard us.

On Wednesday, Jean is coming for tea, and you have asked for spaghetti.

Sharing the letter

Check with the child's social worker how they'd like letters sent and what they'd like included. Ask before sharing photos of the child, and keep copies safe.

My Chapters is an iPhone and iPad app built for exactly this: ideas to suit the child's age, letters that send themselves to the right people, and a book of every letter at the end.